Funny Responce to Someone Pointing a Finger at You
I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding
I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
Milk
Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier
Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
Sperm bank employee: Oh no
Me: What
Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk
So a man rides his camel through New York...
and leaves it to go to a diner. When he comes back, his camel is missing, so he goes to the police.
The police ask a few questions. "Was the camel male or female?"
The man replies, "I'm not entirely sure- Wait! I remember! It's male it has to be!
"How do you know?"
"Well, when I was riding through town people kept pointing and saying "Look at the shmuck on that camel!"
One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...
I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...
I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."
What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement
A man walks into a fishmongers...
...with a carp under his arm. He asks the man behind the counter "Do you sell fishcakes?" The fishmonger says "Why, yes we do". "Fantastic!" exclaims the man, pointing to the fish under his arm "It's his birthday!"
My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes...
So I showed her the door.
A Salmon under his arm
Man walks into a fish shop with a salmon under his arm and says to the fishmonger "You got any fishcakes mate?". The fishmonger replies "Course we do mate, it's a fish shop!". "GREAT" replies the man pointing to his salmon "It's his BIRTHDAY!"
I was driving past the prison the other day...
with a friend of mine. All of a sudden he starts shouting and pointing, 'LOOK! There's a midget escaping! He's gone over the wall and is climbing down!'
I slammed on my brakes and said, 'woah, hang on. You can't say midget - it's a little con-descending.'
My daughter can be so cruel...
Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Me: I don't know, what?
Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
You can explore pointing pointer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pointing grabs dad jokes. There are also pointing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man walks into a fishmonger with a fish under his arm...
And asks "do you do fishcakes?" The fishmonger replies that they do.
"Good" says the man, pointing to the fish under his arm, "it's his birthday."
A man goes to see a film alone...
...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.
The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.
As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".
The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children
Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.
2 blondes are hammering nails into the side of a garage...
One of them has a problem. She holds each nail in place, but ends up tossing every other one on the ground. Finally she says "Hey, half of these nails are bad - the sharp end is pointing away from the wall!"
The other blonde replied "You idiot, those are for other side of the building!"
Getting directions from Donald Trump is a lot like checking the hour on an analogue clock
Always pay attention to where the little hand is pointing
My uncle spoke of his time in Soviet Russia back in the day
He said there were only 2 channels on TV. He said Channel 1 was propaganda, and channel 2 was a KGB pointing a Kalashnikov at the screen saying "Turn back to channel 1!"
Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....
You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...
I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.
If you're making me choose between you and my love for pointing out doors,
Then there's the door!
This guy in Japan was trying to get me to help him score some weed...
... he kept pointing at a map and going: "Toke, yo? Toke, yo?".
What do you call a room filled with members of the RNC all pointing in the air?
A conservative vector field.
I go into a bar in scotland
The bartender looks rather angry so I go up to him and ask what's up
He says 'you see that bridge over there' pointing outside. I built that. But do they call me Angus the bridge builder. Nooo.
'You see this bar. I built it. Do they call me Angus the bar builder. No.'
'But ye get caught with one goat..."
So an emo teenager went to grocery store.
He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm
"Hey, can you scan this?"
The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,
"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today
She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."
This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa
Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*
Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...
Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections
How do you tell a kid which car is yours?
(Pointing to your car)
Datsun
My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."
I think therefore I am.
Yoda pointing at a photo of himself when he was four.
I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse
I replied: "Totally!"
Sports Day
It's sports day at a school for "special" kids. During the egg and spoon race, little Johnny falls and hurts himself badly.
One of the teachers freaks out and yells "call Johnny an ambulance, call Johnny an ambulance!"
All the kids immediately start pointing at Johnny and laughing saying "Johnny is an ambulance- Johnny is an ambulance!"
I read a riddle with a picture of an eye, a child, a finger pointing at me, and a knot
I kid you not, that's what it was
I was mugged last night by a thief on the way home
Pointing a knife at me, he said
"Your money or your life"
I told him I was married so I have no money & no life
We hugged & cried together...
It was a beautiful moment
I had to break up with my Seismologist girlfriend.
She kept pointing out all my faults.
A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it, he comes to low bridge and gets stuck under it...cars are backed up for miles behind him....
Eventually, a cop car pulls up, the officer gets out and walks up, laughing hysterically and pointing at the trucker.
He puts his hands on his hips and says with a chuckle, "Got stuck, eh?"
The trucker replies, "No sir, not at all, you see, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas..."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one to enter asked for a pint of whatever's on tap.
The second, third, fourth, and so on all the way to the infinite subsequent patron to enter said "I'll have half of what he's having", pointing to the person who came before him.
The bar tender responded "you're all idiots!" and poured two pints.
A couple of Scottish lads were out one night and they pass a small sign for a comedy act.
One friend squints to read it and says, "come on, let's check this out"
The other friend turns to him and says, "Aye, don't go in. He's not funny."
"How d'ya know, have you seen him before?" asks the enquisitive friend.
"Probably." he says, pointing at the tiny sign, "Look, he's a wee poster."
Man walks into a bar with a cat under his arm.
He orders a gin for himself and a tonic water for his pet.
"I'll serve your gin, but I won't make him anything", says the barman, pointing at the kitty.
"Why not", asks the man
"I don't want to end up in an unresponsive stupor", the barman replies
"What are you on about?" says the man, "he's the one drinking it".
"Yeah, but that's what happens every time I get catatonic"
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Why are telescopes pointing away from earth?
Because they are searching for intelligent life.
When my girlfriend asked me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out furniture to people,
I told her there's the door.
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he screeched, Look Dad! It's a frickin' elephant! I was shocked and slightly angry, because everybody was looking at us...
What did you just call it?! I cried.
It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture! Look! he shouted, pointing excitedly.
And so it did...A F R I C A N Elephant.
Don't Do That In Public
A boy and his mother stood looking at a dentist's showcase. "If I had to have false teeth, I'd take that pair," said the small boy, pointing.
"Hush, Willie," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm. "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"
A mugger held a couple.
While pointing a gun and taking their valuables, he asked the them:
Mugger: What's your name?
Woman: My name is Donna.
Mugger: You have a name like my mother. I will not kill you then. And you? (Asking the other)
Man: My name is Dave, but my friends call me Anne.
Went to the Dad Bar the other night...
It was a slow night. There was only the bartender and few other dads sitting at the bar.
I walked up to the bar and the bartender greeted me, "How are ya?"
I replied, "I am thirsty."
Everyone shouted out, "Hi Thirsty!"
The bartender continued pointing to the other patrons, "and this is 'Starving, Tired, and uh...Horny."
I got mugged by a thief last night.
I got mugged by a theif last night on my way from work.
Pointing a knife at me and asked me... "Your money or your life!".
I told him I am Married... "So I have no money and I have no life... ".
We hugged and cried together.
It was a beautiful moment....
I pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says...
**Bartender:** Uh (pointing down), you know you have a ship's wheel hanging from your testicles?
**Pirate:** Aye! (nodding his head while removing his pipe), and it's driving me nuts.
"You're flat!" said the conductor, pointing at the contrabass.
"Maybe," she retorted, "but I've got a spectacular lower end!"
A guy at the beach hears from his friends that chicks will show more interest in you if you put a potato in your swim trunks.
He tries this for a while but gets flustered when all the girls keep pointing and laughing at him.
So his friends explain to him that you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your bathing suit.
Friends are making visual puns
One draws a box with an x on it
"its obviously xbox"
Another draws a station with play on it
"of course its playstation"
Another one draws two people with arrows pointing to eachother with one having nintendo on his shirt.
"its nintendo switch"
Finally one draws a girl with multicolored hair.
"its pc"
I was driving with my daughter on a beautiful sunny day this winter and I said, "I can't believe how poor the visibility is."
She said, "What do you mean? It's perfectly clear." Pointing down I said, "I can only see four feet in front of us."
They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.
That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.
A man dies, goes to heaven, and sees a wall full of clocks.
The man asks God what all the clocks are for, and God explains, "these are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's George Washington's", God answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating he never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
God responds. "That's Barack Obama's. The hands move, but very rarely, which means he doesn't lie much in his life."
"Where is Donald Trump's clock?" the man asks.
"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office," God says. "He uses it as a fan."
so my parents were pointing around the house and they said disa chair, disa table, disa fridge....
Then they pointed at me and said disappointment
My girlfriend and I were arguing as usual. She said "It's either me or your obsession with pointing out doors?"
I said "Well if you don't like it; the door is there".
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
A priest was invited to attend a house party
.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.
A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.
When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"
The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."
Two homeless guys were sitting with a sign pointing to one of the guys that reads, "I bet you $2 you can't hit John with a quarter".
A man flicked a quarter at him, and hit him. When the man asked for his $2 for hitting him the homeless guy replied, "you didn't hit john. This here is David".
I live near Hell, Michigan. Driving home today, we went past a sign pointing down a road that leads to Hell.
My dad pointed to it and said, That road goes to Hell. Know how you can tell? This is asphalt and that's good intentions.
A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"
"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"
What do you call an Irishman pointing a gun at you?
Eamonn.
I recently visited Amsterdam
I couldn't believe all the signs pointing to Ann Frank's house.
No wonder the Nazi's were able to find her.
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " still you can't come dressed like that " .
Investigator to trainee helicopter pilot: "So you survived the crash. How did it happen?" Pilot: "Flying too high. I was shivering. Too cold." "Then what?"
"Then (pointing to the rotor) I switched off the fan."
A man walks into a bar with a fish under his arm...
He asked the barman if they sold any fish cakes. The barman said no and the man pouted. That's a shame, he said, pointing to the fish, it's his birthday!
Suzy came to the church in a see-through blouse leaving almost nothing to imagination
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " you can't come to church dressed like that " pointing at her blouse.
"But I have a divine right" complained Suzy.
" And you have a divine left too " noted the priest " but still you can't come dressed like that " .
My friend was showing me around his toolshed
Pointing to a ladder he said, "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."
A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist: what machine should I use to impress women?
She responded swiftly (pointing outside the door) saying The ATM machine, sir...
I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, "I can't swim! I can't swim!"
"It's alright, mate," I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, "It says no swimming anyway."
A man walks into a bar
And sees a dog by the fireplace licking its balls.
The man goes to the bar and orders his drink and says to the barman while pointing his thumb towards the dog and says ha, I wish I could do that
The barman replies give him a biscuit and he might let you
Masks are like bra.
If the strap slipped and it is not at place, people keep pointing out
and if you entirely forgot to wear one in public, people go on staring like hell.
This guy out there asking the real questions
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
An American, a Chinese and an Indian went on a world tour by Air.
The American proudly declared "we have reached my homeland USA" pointing at the Statue of Liberty.
After some hours, the Chinese pointed at the Great Wall of China and exclaimed "friends, we have reached China".
More hours went by and all eyes were on the Indian. He calmly opened the window and put his hand outside. When he pulled his arm back, his wristwatch was gone. Unconcerned, he announced "Guys, welcome to India."
What did the young boy shout in the church while pointing finger guns?
pew pew pew
Because it's my Cake Day, I'll tell you a cake joke my little brother (10) told me
It's a Dutch joke but I'll try to explain
So I had made a cake recently, and it just stood there on the table. So my little brother comes up to me and says; 'Kijk daar!' (Look over there) while pointing at the cake. So when I looked at it he says; 'haha je keek' (haha you looked)
Keek = looked but it is pronounced as cake
My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room.
I said, "OK, there's the door"
One day, a zookeeper is walking around the zoo when he sees a man throwing $20 bills into all the exhibits he passes.
"Why are you throwing money into those cages?" asks the zookeeper.
"Because that sign says it's okay," says the man, pointing to a sign.
The zookeeper looks up at the sign. It says, "Do not feed animals. $20 fine."
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
Corny joke from a warehouse worker.
Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.
"Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer."
"What's it sound like?"
(While pointing at the roof) "It sounds like autotune."
"Autotune?"
"Yeah, it's just a Lil Wayne."
When he was a teenager, little Johnny's father caught him reading one of his older sister's magazines. Son, why are you reading that sissy magazine? he asked.
There's an article that tells women where to meet men, Johnny responded, pointing to the magazine's cover. I need to know where I'm supposed to be.
A man dies and arrives at Heaven
As he's standing at the Pearly Gates, he notices a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks, every time someone tells a lie, the hands on their clock move."
"Oh! Whose clock is that?" He says pointing.
"That's Mother Theresa's clock, it's hands have never moved."
"Wow! And whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock, it's hands have only moved twice."
The man asks, "Where is Boris Johnson's clock?"
St Peter replies, "We're using it as a ceiling fan"
I was mugged by a thief last night on my way home...
Pointing a knife at me...He asked me "your money or your life!"
I told him I am married...so I have no money and no life...
We hugged and cried together
It was a beautiful moment...
My 6 year old twins were learning about organs like the brain and the heart and the kidney and…
One of them says No this is a Kid Knee with a smirk while pointing to his knee! I about died laughing.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/pointing-jokes.html
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